#tobeornottobesexual

Female sexuality is both taboo and in your face, it has a dichotomy rivaled by few other topics. Our entire lives we are told to show our bodies, but don’t be a slut. Men want us all to sleep with them, but if we sleep with too many, again, we are sluts. Navigating the world as a young girl coming into womanhood can be more complicated than college level calculus. The funny thing is a lot of the toughest criticisms of women comes from other women, we call each other fat, then in retaliation spout pseudo-female empowerment mantra’s like “real women have curves”. We are constantly trying to exclude other from womanhood by defining it by our own standards. It makes me so sad to watch us taking each other down, it makes it that much easier for predatory men to take advantage of us.

We are so quick to be critical of the sexual decisions that other women make and to position ourselves above those that make more reckless decisions without ever taking the time to wonder why that woman may have made that choice. I spent a lot of time making risky sexual decisions myself, sometimes it was because I wanted to, others it was because I had spent a lot of my life being told I wasn’t pretty enough, or pretty at all. I was a tall pale girl with acne, it was not a good look. The first boy to ever be interested in me just wanted sex, but he told me I was beautiful while he was fucking me, that was the first time anyone had told me that. I began to only feel really good about myself when a man wanted to sleep with me, but afterwards I felt worse than ever because it never made them stay. I had no idea how to be the girl on the date and not the girl in the bed, so for a long time I was just the girl in the bed. I thought I was “sexually liberated” when in reality I was just sad and lost. It wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend that I realized that I was smart, and interesting, and funny, and most importantly beautiful, even with my clothes on.

The moral of the story is to not judge without knowing, let people be who they are without trying to tear them down, and most importantly tell other women you know and meet that they are beautiful, and smart, and worthy, because we all know society will not do it for us.

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